You might be a punk rock witch if . . .

  1. Your quarter calls involve the "F" word
  2. Your spiral dance leaves bruises
  3. You serve consecrated Pabst Blue Ribbon and cold pizza as "cakes and ale"
  4. Your secret name for the Lord and Lady are "Sid and Nancy"
  5. You use a "black-handled switchblade of Art"
  6. Your altar is set on a beaten old speaker cabinet held precariously together with duct tape.
  7. Your altar candles are road flares.
  8. Your ritual robe has liberty spikes.
  9. You circle in a dank basement decorated with collapsing heating ducts and cockroach corpses.
  10. The Great Rite involves whips, chains, and safety pins.

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